pregnancy…

I’m sorry my blog has turned into a pregnancy journal, it’s mostly for my own purposes so read if you wish but no one is forcing you… I must start by saying since I got pregnant I swear I come across all the random blog/fb posts about pregnancy and children. It makes me wonder if I didn’t pay that much attention to them before or if there is going to be another baby boom.

I’ve read and heard so many stories about couples trying numerous times and for years with no luck on getting pregnant, it breaks my heart, really it does! David and I were so fortunate to get pregnant right away (although at the time, I didn’t quite feel ready). I don’t know how you could ever be full prepared or in my case “ready” to bring a child into this world all I know is I didn’t feel I was. I clearly remember being married for less than 3 months when David came home from work one day excited because it finally hit him that we could have a baby now, we were married the time was right. We argued over this for many years… literally. I was never that little girl who wanted to be a mom, I was never that little girl who carried around a baby and pretended she was mine. Please don’t get me wrong I always knew I wanted kids but I just didn’t picture myself having a child under the age of 10… silly I know. David on the other hand may have been born to be a father, he is so good with kids he loves every child like crazy and is so good with them. I may or may not be a little jealous…

In May of 2011 after nearly 3 years of David trying to convince me, I had a weak moment (and run out of birth control) it was then I decided to let nature take it’s toll. I didn’t feel “ready” to have a baby but at the same time I didn’t want to want a baby either, if that makes since. I was thinking we’ll see how this goes, in the back of my head remembering my doctor told me it could take up to a year and for some people it happens right away. I decided then and there why I wasn’t comfortable with this baby making idea it’s basically the 1 thing in life I don’t have control of and I’m very good at being in control of things, ha! In June I had a normal cycle, I had been on birth control for years so my cycle was every 4th Friday on the dot and I knew this. In July, I didn’t start on that 4th Friday… weird. My body was off but I assumed it was the years of birth control wearing off and my body starting to figure itself out again. I think I already said this once on here somewhere but David said to me one night when I was a few days late “you’re pregnant” and laughed and said I hoped so because I felt great! I didn’t really think about it much until he mentioned it so the next morning I got up and took a pregnancy test sure enough on July 21st it was confirmed we were going to be parents. David was getting ready for work and I took the test over to him and said “um…” while I stared at him hoping for a reaction, he laughed and thought I was kidding because it was a cheap test that you had to read 3 different lines then follow the pattern to see if it was a yes or no. I cried until I laughed, David was so excited he even did his happy dance, it’s cute ask him to do it for you sometime.

All I started this post for was to say how grateful I am that we were so fortunate not to have the hurt, worry, and play the waiting game to get where we are today. I feel so blessed! I know David deserves it, but I’m still not convinced I do. Besides the obvious growing belly and the strange hormones, sometimes it still doesn’t feel real.